Announcing the Technophage™!

Feeling a bit down coz the old neurons aren’t firing like they used to?
 
Sick of forgetting birthdays, anniversaries and funeral times?
 
Want something to make the old noodle work just that little bit better?
 
 
All your problems are now solved thanks to:
 
TECHNOPHAGE™
FORGETFULNESS IS A THING OF THE PAST!
 
Developed by scientists from the best BioMed labs in San Francisco, Beijing and Melbourne, the Technophage is a fully programmable viral solution to all your mental health problems! The virus is injected directly into your bloodstream, making its way straight to your crooked cranium. It’s adaptable to any neural pathway or psychological pattern, and can seamlessly fill any gaps your brain might have!
 
WANT TO LEARN ANY LANGUAGE OR INSTRUMENT INSTANTLY? TECHNOPHAGE.
 
INTERESTED IN DIGESTING ALL OF FOUCAULT’S SOCIAL THEORIES IN ONE SITTING? TECHNOPHAGE.
 
WANT AN EIDETIC MEMORY RECALL FOR MENTAL PLAY-BY-PLAY OF ALL THE MOST GLORIOUS SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS YOU’VE EVER HAD? TECHNOPHAGE.
 
Laboratory-tested, FDA-approved, clinically trialed for over a decade.
 
YOUR CEREBELLUM WILL THANK YOU!
 
Now available at all medical facilities worldwide!
 
WARNING: Technophage developers not responsible if virus causes any of the following; insanity, paranoia, psychosis, bi-polar disorder, ADHD, Asperger’s syndrome, autism, Alzheimer’s disease, or any other form of mental instability. Virus has been clinically trialed but patients who use it do so at their own risk. Not all mental chemistries have been accounted for.
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