Of Idiots, Heroes and Director-type Weirdos (Week ending 13/6/14)

Sometimes, I wish most of the employed denizens of the world could lose their jobs. Not so the planet descends into economic disrepair or because I hate my fellow man, but so that we can re-hire people for positions who are, y’know, actually qualified for them.

Imagine if the entirety of the squabbling, childish, smug and idiotic entity masquerading as the Australian Parliament could all get simultaneously fired and have to get re-elected to spots they’d have to actually work to deserve? Or if the penny-pinchers of Comcast and Time Warner suddenly found themselves superseded by actual real, living, breathing human beings instead of money-driven cyborgs?

Yes, it’s a lofty goal, but sometimes I wish it were a reality. Case in point…


George Will, a Washington Post columnist you’ll wish you’d never heard of, thinks women use rape as an excuse for a free ride


???????????????????????????????Yes. Just like autism, full-body paralysis, cancer and Alzheimer’s.

Not to tell you something you probably (and hopefully) already know, but this is disgusting. Once again, someone is failing to properly acknowledge the horror and very unfortunately real prevalence of rape and instead believes it’s a ‘cry wolf’ situation. Made worse because, like so many others, it’s a man espousing these backwards, unjustified, unresearched and clearly baseless views.

The Salon piece articulates this better than I could, so I won’t double-post, but it’s pretty clear this guy’s a feckless ass-wart on the body of society.

I didn’t say I wouldn’t be subjective in this column, did I?


A D.C. High School awesomely protests the Westboro Baptist Church


A principal had the guts to declare his homosexuality. His students stood behind him. Westboro got shirty.

When will these idiots learn? I wonder if a few of them espouse their hateful views for publicity rather than actual belief. That would of course be too optimistic, to believe there’s members of that disgusting little church that aren’t totally dyed-in-the-wool, but what do I know? Props to the students, and may Westboro burn as surely as Fred Phelps is now.

Actually, maybe that’s a little too far. I’d rather he get stuck in a theatre with someone talking really loudly, instead.


The hero of a University shooting has just had his wedding and honeymoon crowd-funded by a strangely-benevolent internet



D’awwww. Right in the feels.

Seriously, though, this is excellent. Recognition of someone brave enough to chokehold a shooter is a far better use of the internet’s time than hating the world and reposting funny cat gifs. Take note, 4Chan users.


After turbulent speculation, Ant-Man‘s got a new director


So, yeah, Peyton Reed. Huh. Didn’t see that coming.

I’m still quite gutted Edgar Wright walked from the project, though do understand it’s what he needed to do. Still, Marvel follow up that with the director of Bring It On instead?

Look, let’s take the same route I did with Ben Affleck as Batman – wait and see. Reed might surprise us, or it could all fall down like the poorly-structured house of cards it sounds like. In any case, let’s try playing the optimist and not believe Ant-Man‘s on terminally shaky ground, shall we?


James Franco’s brother will play his best friend in the upcoming Tommy Wiseau/The Room biopic


I cannot tell you how much I was looking forward to this film prior to the announcement of Dave Franco’s casting. Following it, my anticipation doubled.

If you haven’t read The Disaster Artist or, God forbid, seen The Room yet, do so now. I’ll wait.

Well, actually, I won’t wait because I’m not actually there with you. Unless you’re reading this while I’m standing behind you, in which case I’ll be happy to wait while you watch The Room as long as you get me a coffee.


Guillermo del Toro’s teamed up with Avengers co-writer Zak Penn for Pacific Rim 2, even though it’s not an actual thing yet


It might not have the green light, but he’s making it anyway. Or started to, at least.

Personally, I’m psyched at the idea of another Pacific Rim. My only wish is that there be more giant robot fights. Like, 257% more. That’s not a big ask, right?


During an otherwise predictable E3 this year, Ubisoft claim they left playable female characters out of the newest Assassin’s Creed because it’d be too much extra work



…seriously? You couldn’t shave off one or two of those idiotic mini-games no-one plays in order to let some chicks in on the scene?


Sometimes I hate pop culture industries. They all seem to be run by idiotic men. No, I’m not going too far by calling Ubisoft idiotic. There’s enough chaff in most Assassin’s Creed games that they could’ve subtracted some of it in exchange for some lady killers. Assassin’s Creed III would’ve done much better if the trade-off for playing as a woman would be no more of that bloody sailing minigame.


NASA has a real awesome idea for a spaceship



I really pray one day it’s real. Would be awesome to have our own Enterprise.


Netflix have snagged The Magic School Bus for a new series


Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d see published. Y’all remember Magic School Bus? If you don’t, you lived your childhood wrong.

Personally, I wanna see Kate Mulgrew as The Frizz. Somehow an interstellar time-and-space school bus just works better if it’s got Captain Janeway behind the wheel.


Finally, this might be what the encroaching DC Movieverse will look like for the next few years


An insider claims this is the scaffold for DC’s burgeoning Cinematic Universe thingy. If it’s true, it’d probably be unveiled in July during the miasma of bloodshed and announcements that is San Diego Comic-Con.

Am I the only one who’s most excited for a Green Lantern/Flash team-up?



That’s all for this week. Come back next Friday for another bite!


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