(U66) Insulted


            “Laundry of Legends, this is Jen, how may I help you?”

Yes, this is Mighty Thor that speaketh to you, dear lady. I request an update on the progress of my order.

“Well, sir, if you’ll recall-”

I can recall all, dear lady! My mind is as sharp as it ever was!

“If you’ll recall, sir, you left your order here despite the fact we told you – repeatedly – that we don’t do that kind of thing.”

Excuse me?”

“Don’t you remember? I got my manager out here, he took a look at it, and said there was no way we could handle something that big.”

Listen here, dear lady. I am Thor, of the Asgard Pantheon. I am the son of Odin One-Eye, the All-Father, Lord of all Realms, and I always get what I want. I request a specific service from your establishment, and you tell me it’s impossible? Choose your next words carefully, dear lady, or I shall be forced to call upon the powers granted to me by the Aesir in order to exact the necessary vengeance upon you!

“I’m afraid you can’t just go putting weapons like that on our counter and demand we service them. You may have come to the wrong place for that kind of thing.”

Where then would you suggest I should have gone? Your establishment holds a reputation in the hallowed halls of my father and my kin, and I was told specifically that you handled a particularly similar incident for Lady Sif not three moons ago!

“Well that was a little different, sir, she asked us-”

I know what she asked of you, dear lady! You test my patience by claiming my memory to not be compendious!


And now you insult me by claiming to be deaf to my words? I shall not suffer your idiocy a moment longer, foul wench!

“Well, sir, there’s no need for name-calling-”

I shall rip your establishment into tatters, and construct a monument to my greatness in its place!”

            “Really, sir, there’s no need-”

“I DECIDE WHEN THERE IS NEED, WOMAN! Now, fetch me your superior so that I may have him roundly punish you for your insolence!”

            “I’m the only one on staff today, sir.”

“Then I shall leave a message!”

            “Ok. What would you like-”

“Inform your manager that Thor, the God of Thunder, Protector of Asgard and herald of the Aesir, is deeply offended by the lack of courtesy afforded him by both yourself and the establishment for which you claim employ!”


“Furthermore, I shall be arriving at your place of business in two moons’ time, and if my order has not been properly cleaned and serviced by that time I shall commence the aforementioned destruction of said place of business!”

            “You want me to mention the destruction?”


            “Well, you said the destruction of our Laundry was ‘aforementioned’, but you only mentioned it to me. My manager won’t have the faintest idea-”


            “Ok, ok.”

“The armament of Thor, Most Holy of Asgard’s Greatest Gods, will be cleansed of its taint by this time, or I shall be forced to mix your blood with that of the troll’s that is currently on the weapon’s edge!”

            “…weapon’s…edge…ok, anything else you’d like me to tell him?”

“I believe such a fearsome threat should suffice.”

            “I’ll pass that along to him, sir. If I might ask, I’m just a little curious – I thought Thor was famed for using his mighty hammer, Mjolnir?”

“This is correct, idiot woman.”

            “So why did you give us a broadsword caked in troll blood to clean?”

“The blade is dull, and my father suggested sharpening it with a whetstone. Where better to wet a sword than at your place of business, where it can be sharpened and cleaned all at once?”

            “You needed a whetstone?”

“Indeed. I explained this at the time.”

            “So you brought it to us?”

“*groan* Yes, woman, I brought it to you! You use water in those strange contraptions utilised for cleaning purposes, don’t you?”

            “You mean the washing machines?”

“Yes, exactly those! Surely they can wet my sword, can’t they?”



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